Well, feeling like I'm about to repeat myself. I feel like I should be working so I reach some other goal. But I don't even know what that goal actually is. I know what I want later on in life, the same as most people, a house, a wonderful marriage, kids someday, A MILLION PETS (lol), and a job where I can't wait to get in the office but also am glad for the end of the day. And then there's that keyword; office. Is that what I want? An office job? No, I've always told myself I was never a sit at a desk kind of girl, but what am I doing now?
Sitting at my breakfast bar writing on a laptop. The irony is tickling my insides!
The only difference is, I do not have health insurance, my hours are as I please, and I don't have anyone to blame but myself. Hmmm! Maybe that's why I'm feeling like it's time to work? Because I am finally my own boss and am I slightly failing at it. Epically. I use to be able to motivate myself fairly well. I was always writing away at work or practicing my sketching at work because it was incredibly boring. Why can't I seem to do that for myself at home now? I'm bored here, all alone for eight hours, almost every day. I feel so disappointed in myself but I know I'm the only one who can fix it. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I am so mixed up by my own doing it's ridiculious.
I don't know. I need some kind of sign of what to do, I suppose?
The other day my friend mentioned she'd need some roommates for her really large house back in Carson City. It'd be 400 a month. I don't know if this includes utilities or not, but that would be a heck of a lot cheaper than living up here in Tahoe. Then I'd be around a few of my friends again. Making friends in Tahoe has been really hard. All the ones I thought were my friends turned out to actually just be work-buddies, you know? Is that what growing up is? Work-buddies and family? Hahaha, bummer. OH WELL. I'm still trying. But it made me really think, you know? If we moved down there, we'd each be saving two hundred thirty dollars a month. The only problem would be Curtis's job which he isn't ready to leave yet. So he'd still be coming up and down to Tahoe every day, just like I use to do. Of course, this wouldn't happen until our lease is up in Spring.
And don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed at all. I haven't felt real depressed since I left Montbleu. Sure, I've had PMS and the occasional, "AAAAAAAAAAH! I'm so bored!" depression. But those are easy to get past. Especially with a boyfriend like Curtis and my puppy and turtle and even writing has been helping. I'm just doing soul-searching now and it's frustrating me that it as instant like the movies. Don't they just go for a walk on the beach or around the city alone and then BAM it hits them? (Sometimes quite literally)
You know what? I'm lying to myself. It HAS hit me, I just don't want to admit it, do I? I have to at least finish my associates degree in college. It's been on my mind for a while now. I should suck it up and go back to school. All of the emails from the colleges and the little side adds about what kind of career do I want to study for! Those ARE my signs. Man! I was so stupid! What have I been wasting my time on? God HAS given me a sign. Over and over and over. And what have I done? Thrown them away as junk mail! Well, no more. I'm going to sign up for Spring/Summer classes as soon as possible now. I've released my mistake and now am going to do something about it.
Wish me luck!
xoxo
Alexis
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Aren't First Post Suppose to Have a Cool Title?
Well, here I am. My first blog post. Not my very first, of course. I use to write all the time on journalspace.com however I got busy and heard a rumor they closed everything down. Haven't really felt like looking into the matter! I joined here instead because it seems to be where practically my whole family is blogging away all their little lives and details. So I might as well join the party, right?
I'm not even sure what to write at this point. I could indulge in what my life is currently like and how it came to be or I could talk about the weather, music, movies. It could be anything I want. That's the whole purpose of a blog. However, I don't really feel like talking about myself right now. Odd, isn't it? Most people are very self-centered, whether it's good or bad, and often just talk and talk and talk without even realizing it. Like what I'm doing now. Hmm...
Some other thing is on my mind right now. I'm watching one of my favorite movies on Xbox Live Netflix. Which is really handy, by the way. Although my heart is a bit heavy.
One of my dearest friends has gone to India today! He just wrote me saying he made it there and asked how I was doing. That seemed really silly to me, but that's just Scott. He's one of the nicest guys I've never even met. We've been writing (aim, email, myspace) friends for a really long time now. I'd say five-ish years but my math could be wrong. He use to live in Georgia then moved to Colorado before my eighteenth birthday. I always had wanted to meet him face-to-face, to shake his hand, to give him a hug, to pull him into a headlock and give the boy a noogie! It never flew through even with us being only a day apart from each other. Maybe we just weren't meant to actually meet? I don't know why we wouldn't. For the longest time Scott was my bestest friend in the whole world. I could tell him a lot of everything and he told me things, also. You know, bestfriendie stuff. My family went through a really tough time and during our whole year of moving from home to home, I lost touch with him.
I finally got ahold of him again and we spoke on and off a lot. And now, he's in India. Doing his heart's will, something that makes him feel like he is part of the world, something for the greater good. I'm not really allowed to talk about it. Tourism is shun upon in many places, if you catch my meaning. ;] Putting that in the closet, I just wanted to mention how proud of him I was. I have 'grown up' with him in a way and I feel confident in saying that who he is is exactly how I pictured him growing up to be and so much more. Sure, he went through a few heart aches I wouldn't wish on anyone, but it made him more aware of things, more aware of himself. He once said he was going to grow up and be Spongebob and we'd live in a house with pineapple wallpaper, it's something I still remember and smile about often even after all of his acclompishments and our talks it's my favorite.
So, this post is dedicated to my SpongeScott. May your heart be full of Love and God's word and may your mind be a half blank slate so as to learn new customs and loves. I lurve you, buddy. And someday, especially since you went to India, you better meet up with me. I think we each other enough to at least get a myspace picture together!
xoxo
Alexis
I'm not even sure what to write at this point. I could indulge in what my life is currently like and how it came to be or I could talk about the weather, music, movies. It could be anything I want. That's the whole purpose of a blog. However, I don't really feel like talking about myself right now. Odd, isn't it? Most people are very self-centered, whether it's good or bad, and often just talk and talk and talk without even realizing it. Like what I'm doing now. Hmm...
Some other thing is on my mind right now. I'm watching one of my favorite movies on Xbox Live Netflix. Which is really handy, by the way. Although my heart is a bit heavy.
One of my dearest friends has gone to India today! He just wrote me saying he made it there and asked how I was doing. That seemed really silly to me, but that's just Scott. He's one of the nicest guys I've never even met. We've been writing (aim, email, myspace) friends for a really long time now. I'd say five-ish years but my math could be wrong. He use to live in Georgia then moved to Colorado before my eighteenth birthday. I always had wanted to meet him face-to-face, to shake his hand, to give him a hug, to pull him into a headlock and give the boy a noogie! It never flew through even with us being only a day apart from each other. Maybe we just weren't meant to actually meet? I don't know why we wouldn't. For the longest time Scott was my bestest friend in the whole world. I could tell him a lot of everything and he told me things, also. You know, bestfriendie stuff. My family went through a really tough time and during our whole year of moving from home to home, I lost touch with him.
I finally got ahold of him again and we spoke on and off a lot. And now, he's in India. Doing his heart's will, something that makes him feel like he is part of the world, something for the greater good. I'm not really allowed to talk about it. Tourism is shun upon in many places, if you catch my meaning. ;] Putting that in the closet, I just wanted to mention how proud of him I was. I have 'grown up' with him in a way and I feel confident in saying that who he is is exactly how I pictured him growing up to be and so much more. Sure, he went through a few heart aches I wouldn't wish on anyone, but it made him more aware of things, more aware of himself. He once said he was going to grow up and be Spongebob and we'd live in a house with pineapple wallpaper, it's something I still remember and smile about often even after all of his acclompishments and our talks it's my favorite.
So, this post is dedicated to my SpongeScott. May your heart be full of Love and God's word and may your mind be a half blank slate so as to learn new customs and loves. I lurve you, buddy. And someday, especially since you went to India, you better meet up with me. I think we each other enough to at least get a myspace picture together!
xoxo
Alexis
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