Graphic Tablets are fun!

Oh yeah, bby~!
Look what I did for three hours!

Curtis and I got a new graphic tablet for our computer. It will aid me in my drawing and stuff. Now I just need a scanner for all those pictures I draw in notebooks! Then I can use my graphic tablet to edit them to my liking, color them in, whatever, you know? I can't wait to start designing! I've already got some ideas in my head...

My main goal in this picture was to learn all of my tools. And considering it's my first drawing on a really good Art program, I'm somewhat really happy with the results. His skin turned out A LOT better than I could have hoped. Of course, my drawing skills/style could be improved. But hey, drawing on a graphic tablet is hard. You have to get use to NOT looking at your hand as you draw. Do you know how hard that is?

Man, I've got a hand cramp!

Meh.

Still feeling weird, if you know what I mean. I thought I felt sick, but I think I'm just so dizzy right now that it's really messing with my body, you know? I went for a jog, hoping maybe some exercise would help, fresh air too. But alas. No. I feel slightly worse. My head is spinning and it's causing me to feel motion sickness. How awful.

Mom sent this to me:

Always keep several
get well cards on the mantle...
So if unexpected guests arrive,
They will think you've been sick
and unable to clean

The idea of it reminded me of Shiela. Haha. Because we're always saying how we should clean our house and do all this stuff but never want to/feel like it/feel good.

Anyways. I'm in the mood to write, so... I shall stop wasting that mood here and start putting it to good use!

Expect a better post later tonight/tomorrow/Wednesday. LOL

Alexis

Filler post

So, I'm planning on doing some designs (by hand) today to get started on my new 'project' as I like to call it when WHAM! It hits me so hard I'm sniffling. I feel dizzy with any movement and I just might throw up the small lunch I ate. I've got such a bad head ache that lights and even my keyboard noise is effecting it.

I was going to do a nice lovely post on this Product(red)/40 Hours thing that a friend and I are going to try and make happen. But I can't sit here anymore. The pills I took are wearing off.

So, if I feel better... Expect a nice big post tomorrow, alright?

Alexis

New Beginnings

Today I am finally doing something I should have been for the past three months of not working; getting my future in gear.

I'm finally opening emails and writing people back, looking at websites mother has sent me, and browsing around sewing blogs. I feel really inspired today. I have a found a sewing machine I my consider buying, looking at some exciting creations others have created, and am getting some writing done. All in all... I feel really good and confident about myself, finally.

I feel like I've got a project that I can finally be proud of because it's part of me. Because I'm going to put my whole heart into. I just need the right stuff.

This sewing machine looks pretty nice. And it says it's for beginners who wish to up their level, which I do, and has a button maker which was my main request. Along with zigzag design and perhaps something to work with stretchy material! And it says it does all of that. My only worry is that it's a Brother. I had a bad experience with a Brother machine once and swore them off for life. But so far, all of the reviews have promised it's being reliable and useful, especially for my level of sewing (which is in between beginner and intermediate). Could be promising. Plus, it's from Costco. They have EXCELLENT return policies.

I also still want my graphic tablet. I want to create some sketches but don't feel like wasting a tree. ;]

Oh yes, happy Earth day!

Aaaah! New Career Thought

Okay, this is the part of me that I put into my info. The part where I get a new idea, go crazy with it, then give up when it starts getting too hard. But I do not want to give up this time! I am determined to make it work until I've bled! No, just kidding. I mean, make it work until it's either my career or I've decided that I don't like it (and not because it's too hard). I'm twenty-one and need to stop being such a baby about things and take some chances! It IS scary right now because of the lack of jobs and money not going around like it use to, but I just need to get over that fear of being broke. Because I wont be! I'll rich in happiness from doing things I've wanted to do!

^^^^ Doesn't that sound like half pep-talk half scared shiz-less?

Anyways, the other day I was helping a girl on a forum find some knee high socks with baby blue ribbons on them. When I asked her what they were for she said she was being a 'magical girl' to an anime/gaming convention she was going to. She showed me the shoes she had picked out, probably the cutest shoes I've seen. When I explained that I loved putting outfits together and that I use to make costumes for a play, she enlisted my help in finding a dress/top to go along. It took a few days of squealing and giggling and admiring until I stumbled on this one and she was in love.

Well searching and sharing, her and I started talking about how cool Gothic Lolita and regular Lolita is. Lolita is a cutesy, Victorian style, made most popular in Japan. Girls often wear dresses with bows and ruffles glamour! (Bet my step-dad wishes I had wanted to be Loli while growing up ;]) Anyways, searching, searching, searching, critiquing. I started to see how some dresses where so simple and then just dressed up with lace, bows, over coats, corset like ribboning. My sewing eye had been caught! I desperately wanted to make something. I wanted to save forty bucks on a dress that I could make myself.

That's when I got to thinking. Hey, these people on eBay make about fifty and up on one Loli-Goth dress (not accounting for the really detailed ones running at about 160) and it isn't even that complicated looking. I could do it. I could do it and sell it.

I want to make some dresses like these and try my hand at some eBay. I've thought about it a long time, it's always been in the back of my mind, I just figured it would be a side hobby while owning my own clothing store someday. But now, while I'm trying to earn money for the summer so I can spend it (the summer, not money) how I wish... Why not now? Why not NOT just a hobby? What's stopping me?

Broken sewing machine
OLD sewing machine
Proper lessons
Money to start such a large investment

Let's define these.
Broken and OLD can go together;
My sewing machine is seriously so old. I think it must have survived the 50's or something. It's a nasty tea-tan color (not that looks matter, just sewing most machines are white now) and is insanely dirty on the inside. The bobbin gets ratted up underneath and tangled in the top-stitching causing me to get frustrated, annoyed, and in the end, defeated beyond recovery. I can only use 1 out of the 10? settings it has thanks to the feet being lost for good. Did I mention it wobbles? Yeah, it lost a part of the cover and now is recklessly unbalanced unless I put something under it. And I believe I am down to my last needle. All of these things CAN be fixed, for a price, but in the end... I would just like a sewing machine that can do it all and not fight with me. Is that too much to ask?

Problem resolve?:
Buy a new one. I have been wanting a new one ever since I learned how to sew. My teacher had this really cool computerized one that did just about EVERYTHING. It even threaded itself. How amazing is that? I've just been too chicken/lazy to buy a new one. I'm afraid of getting one and having it torture me. Or getting one and it breaks down (taking things back is such a pain in the arse). But I do believe it is time to invest in the sewing machine of my dreams! Now if only I could test drive them all... I've been reading this blog called A Dress A Day on picking out the right one, so hopefully I wont make a mistake! Sigh.

Proper lessons:
I've had minimal lessons on sewing and basically just winged it most of the time. So depressing. This and the broken machine are what always made me give up right away. I suppose the fact that a straight line is difficult for me to achieve was the best discouragement ever!

Problem resolve?:
I'd like to take sewing lessons again. I want to learn all the things I never knew and even the things I've already learned. I am going to see if there are any summer lessons at the college up here IF I get a new machine during the summer. Easy problem fix!

Large investment:
This would be an extreme invest to me. Almost like my apartment was. The only difference is that I was working then and I don't plan on selling my place on eBay (tempting!). I have always been really careful with my money. I rrarely buy things for myself and when I do, it's usually full of regret as they ring it up and ask for my cash. However, I always end up glad I spent the money, it's just getting past the small road bump tummy feels sick sort of feeling.

Problem resolve?:
...Suck it up and put out. ;] The cash that is. Hopefully in the long run, I will be earning every penny back with my fashion sells. It's just that first leap that scares you (well, all leaps scare me! I hate falling). But I want to do this. I want to give it a chance.


Who knows! If I end up really liking making Loli-dresses than I might expand from eBay and start my own official website and business. Siiiiigh. *Daydreaming*

Anyways! Until then, I shall just start with the simplest things to do first.... Buy my own Loli-dress and study up on the fashion and get me a new machine!

Frustration...Sucks

So, I've been learning how to make layouts. You will be witnessing this very soon, I do hope. I'll playing around with this blog's layout until I can get it right. Then I will proceed with my professional blog.

Sigh.
I don't know why but I get so curious as to what is going on on the 'other' side of the world. I read a little bit of the older journal from HIS new girl. I didn't want to read, so I skimmed through. I knew I would get caught up and angry. I did however read one whole post from her old journal, saying how he showed her mom's blog and was disturbed by the whole thing. How the 'seed of doubt' was planted now and she instantly told him that she didn't want anything else to do with it, to never see it again, that she thought that they just fed off of each other. I was proud, thinking she wasn't as silly/obsessive as I had thought (forgetting it was an OLD post). But, she then posted a few random posts (didn't really read into her life) and then one whole post about how my mom is this and how she's a nut job and how everyone sees through her because 'nothing ever came of it' from CASA or the courts. <---Obsessed! Which is what I was starting to feel! Obsessed with trying to prove them, HER wrong. But only in my head. I decided I'm done with it. She's going to be that way and all we can do is say, "Well, if they see RIGHT THROUGH it, wouldn't HE have the kids by now? Hmmm?"

The end.
That's it. That's all I have to say.

Anyways! Today... We're suppose to be doing some competition at a casino around here. Not sure what is going on with the gang, I guess I should call one of them or something. It isn't until later anyways. Maybe we'll hit the club-scene for a few drinks or something after Curtis gets off work. Who knows who knows!

I feel too down hearted to blog anymore. Just thinking about how long it's taken with this whole custody battle tires me. And to think we haven't done anything else yet. Nevada is a horrible legal state, or rather Carson City's legal stuff is horrible. CASA is ran by easily persuaded people, easily blinded by fronts. I don't know. I suppose it will all get better soon. The girls are growing up into beautiful...girls, lol, and every day I spend away from them sorta really sucks. Venice has become one of my top best friends. And Kaydance! Wow, she's so smart, it is silly. But she still has that blonde underneath. Except for the whole, "Aunt Jen said there was going to be a new moon next month and I was like, 'oh cooool'."
"You have no idea what that is, do you?" I asked.
She laughed and shrugged.

Silly girl.
I love my family.

Baby Crazed or just....Crazy?

So, a lot of people I know are or have had a baby in the recent year. Angelina had a baby (who I have yet to meet, sadness), Joanne is having a baby, Charity was having a baby (double triple sadness), Brenda just had her baby on April 1st, Hector's wife is having their third baby next month... Well, the list goes on and on (at least it seems so to me). So, I've been a bit surrounded by some baby frenzy.

I suppose it's really getting to me because for the past two weeks I've been having dreams about babies. Well, not babies in general, but more along the lines of having a baby. This all leads up to last night, I just didn't want to leave you in the "Why would she dream about that!" daze. So, I just wanted to share my latest, strange dream involving my aunt and babies.

I remember being happy but disappointed. And when it flashed to the next scene of my dream, I realized it was because I had a baby but Curtis was making me put it up for adoption because we weren't ready for it. (LOL! Like I'd listen to him!) I still worked at the Childrens Museum and my aunt Jen came by to this sort of group thing the place was putting on. And guess what she had! My baby. That's right, she had unknowingly adopted her own niece's baby boy. (Mind you, she didn't seem to have any kids during this dream except for my baby).

I just remember being very heart broken every time the baby cried and she would comfort it. I was so sad that someone else was raising my kid and I had to sit there and not saying anything. For some reason, I didn't tell my family and I got the feeling in my dream that they would be shocked if they found out.

LOL! How weird was that? I woke up very emotional and a little grumpy with Curtis. When I explained my dream to him, he sort of just stared at me like I was crazy and then apologized, saying he'd never make me do something like. Especially if my family adopted it! Ha, ha, ha. That would be my luck. Having to watch something I love grow up without me! Oh wait! Is that not what watching someone you love love someone is? Of course, silly crushes do not lead to much, but at the time it felt horrible. Back to my main point, I think I'll look up in a dream book or website to see what they make of this sort of dream. I'll post tomorrow! Right now, it's time for a movie with my put-my-kid-up-for-adoption-why-don't-ya boyfriend!

To all you mom's to be, watch out for my aunt!

xoxo~
Alexis